Dear Son.

Dear Son,

I write this letter slowly, because I know you read slowly.

I want to tell you that everybody is fine here except for your father, he has punctuations in his semicolon, he has to go for an operation tomorrow but he doesn’t want to. He is always full of shit, but the doctor said if he does not go, he will be.

Your Brother went to the can last month to meet his friends and he said he will be back soon. He asked me, to look after his car and I did, but I see nothing, I even looked in the front.

Your Aunt came to visit me this morning to bring some leftovers for the pig but you know we do not have a pig so we ate it all.

You little sister is pregnant, she said it came from sitting on the toilet at school. The headmaster explained that this not possible, getting pregnant from a toilet seat. We still believe little sister because she often goes to the toilet at school, I think all the teachers are afraid they have to pay for the child. We are waiting when the child is born so they can do a lookalike test. The headmaster can do a line up and we will see to it, that the most look alike is the father.

Our dog bit the neighbour’s dog to dead yesterday, he want to sue us for a new one. I said to him, he can go to hell; our dog is much smaller than his dog. His dog should have bitten better.

I wanted to put 50 dollar in with your letter, but I already closed the envelope.

The police came looking for you but I didn’t say where you stay. They were very nice guys and before they went, I asked them if they can post your letter for me and they said they will.

Take care of yourself and come home soon.

You Mother.

The Best of No Cooking Clue.